Amber Pritchard, Author at Arrow Child & Family Ministries

For Tammie and Charles Cobb, adopting a child from foster care was about patience and trusting God.

The Cobbs became foster parents shortly after a chance interaction with another Arrow family more than 10 years ago. A man and his adoptive son had come into their business, and they got to talking about fostering-to-adopt. Before he left the store, he set Tammie up on a phone call with an Arrow Ambassador Family Specialist, and before they knew it, the Cobbs were training to be foster parents.

The Cobbs could not have children of their own, and intended to adopt. They fostered about 40 children over three years, waiting patiently for the child that would become theirs forever. Tammie said it was incredibly hard to say goodbye to so many children when they left her home to reunite with their birth families. She was just about at her emotional breaking point.

“I told my husband, ‘I can’t take it anymore,’ but we sat back and waited, and of course God’s timing is always perfect,” Tammie said.

It was shortly after that the Cobbs got a call to come pick up their soon to-be-daughter Haylea from the hospital.

“When I went to pick up that baby from the hospital, the doctors and nurses walked me down the hall, and I just had the biggest smile on my face,” Tammie said. “The Holy Spirit was with me. I thought ‘Oh my gosh, all my dreams are coming true!’ We had a feeling in us about what the Lord was about to do. It was the biggest blessing. “

Tammie’s feeling was right on target. It wasn’t long before Haylea’s birth parents’ rights were terminated, and the Cobbs were able to officially adopt the baby girl.

Now, Haylea is an energetic 8 year old with many friends. She loves to ride her bike, go swimming, and she works hard at school. When Tammie first became a foster parent, she didn’t expect to adopt a child outside her own race, but she wouldn’t change anything about Haylea for the world.

“We came in with expectations of a brown-headed girl with blue eyes,” Tammie said. “I want families to open up their minds and their hearts to a different race, because we’re all God’s children, and we all need to know we belong somewhere, and more than anything, children need to know that they belong to God no matter where they are.”

While she’s glad she got to touch so many lives through fostering, Tammie is happy she was finally able to adopt one of her foster children. For parents worried about growing too attached to foster children who may eventually return to live with birth relatives, Tammie said to think first about the heartache foster children are enduring.

“Embrace what they’re going through,” Tammie said. “A lot of kids I had– some came to me broken and abused or burned, and you have to be a strong person mentally. I would say to (potential foster parents) to be prayerful and allow God to direct their path in the direction He wants them to go in.”

Learn more about fostering-to-adopt at www.arrow.org/foster

Blogger Liz Curtis Faria, a former social worker, graciously allowed us to repost her blog entry about a troubled foster child, desperately reaching out for someone to love him. Unfortunately, his story is not unique. Thousands of children in the foster care system are waiting to be adopted right now, and are at risk of meeting the same fate as him. The boy in the story was never adopted, and we can’t help but wonder how much differently his life could have turned out if a family would have taken a chance on him.

It was something about the phrasing that got to me. Something about the cadence of his words, the staccato of his speech.

“Nobody loves me. Not even my mother who gave birth to me.”

It is an odd turn of phrase, isn’t it?

Not even my mother who gave birth to me.

He was buckled into the backseat of my Toyota, still too little to sit up front. At seven he had already moved more times than the total number of years he had been on the earth. And this time, like the times before it, he moved with his belongings in a trash bag. A suitcase, at least, would have added a small degree of dignity to the whole affair – to being “placed” in another and another and yet another foster home before reaching the 3rd grade. Trash bags break, you know. Trash bags can’t possibly support the contents of any life, and certainly not a life as fragile as this.

They break from the strain, eventually.

This move was harder for Stephen than most. It was a home he thought he would stay in, at least for awhile. He had felt affection there. When I went to pick him up, after his foster mother gave notice that he could no longer stay, he came easily with me; head down, no reaction on the surface of it. It was only when he got into my car that he began to sob the kind of aching sound that leaves you limp in its wake.

He could barely get out the words. Nobody loves me. Not even my mother who gave birth to me.

Months later, in a repeat scene (another foster mother, another removal), he would put up a fight. He would run around the living room, ducking behind furniture, refusing to leave. But on this night he had no fight in him.

That was Stephen at seven.

Nine-year old Stephen grips his report card in sweaty hands. We’re headed to an adoption event, where we will meet families who want to adopt an older child; families who do not automatically rule out a boy like Stephen with all of his long “history.” And he wants to impress them, these strangers. He wants to win them over, and so he brings his good report card along as tangible proof that he is a child worth loving.

A child should never have to prove they are worth loving.

Twelve-year old Stephen tells me that I’m his best friend. I’m his social worker, and he should have a real best friend, but I don’t say this to him. We’re at a taping for Wednesday’s Child, the news spot featuring children who are up for adoption. Stephen is engaging on camera. Maybe somebody will pick him this time. Maybe he is offering just enough evidence, at twelve, that he’s a boy worth loving. And he is lovable, truly. But it is not enough. A family never comes.

Years later, long after I’ve left the agency, I get an email from my old boss asking how I’m doing, and ending with a short P.S. “Stephen is in DYS lockup after running away from his foster home. You need to adopt him.” My stomach drops. I’ve had this thought many times. I should adopt him myself. But I don’t.

I heard about his murder from a friend who had seen it in the news. Shot outside a party over some foolish dispute. Dead at 18, dead just as he became a man. Not my Stephen, I prayed. When I realized that it was really him – that it could be no other – I sobbed gripped by the kind of anguish that leaves you limp in its wake.

What have we all done? What haven’t we all done.

The newspapers ran very little about the murder, as if it were an afterthought. Barely worth a mention, really. Anonymous strangers posted nasty comments online: “Just another gangbanger,” they said. You don’t even know him. You don’t know the first thing about this boy. You don’t know that as a child he would trace letters into my back with his finger to pass time at the doctor’s office, asking me to guess what phrase he was spelling out. “I ♥ U” he traced between my shoulders, the last time we played this game.

Stephen had been wrong, that night in my Toyota. His mother did love him, in her way. She was there, at the funeral. She greeted me kindly. I think she knew I loved Stephen as I knew she did. We both failed him in the end, and that joined us I suppose. Neither of us could give him a family.

There were no photos from Stephen’s childhood at the funeral home. No images of the green-eyed boy with the sweet smile to remind us of what had been lost. There were no pictures of Stephen with his brothers, and so I printed up snapshots of the four boys together, taken on a supervised visit, and brought them to the funeral to give to the family. It was something I could do, against the larger backdrop of nothing I could do.

There were very few social workers at the funeral, and none of Stephen’s many foster mothers. Were they even told he was dead? Stephen spent more of his life being raised in the system than out of it. If you claim legal responsibility for a child, you best show up at his funeral. You should show up when he dies. He was yours, in a way, wasn’t he? You owe it to him. And if he did not belong to you, then who did he ever belong to?

His mother was there, at least. His mother who gave birth to him. I hear the echo of his voice from those many years ago.

Somebody does love you Stephen. I want to tell him. But it’s too late.

Stephen was the one, for me. The one who embodied all the failures of a system so broken that to heal it would take far more than the casts that heal the literal broken bones of the children growing up within it.

They break, you know. These kids we leave behind. Eventually they break.

You can learn more about fostering and adopting through Arrow at https://www.arrow.org/foster.

You can find Liz’s blog at www.amothershipdown.com and her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/amothershipdown.

*Stephen is a fictional name for a real boy the world lost.

On a recent afternoon at Freedom Place, Chance the horse was just not cooperating with one of the residents, who was trying to groom him. She wanted him to lift his leg, but after a couple failed attempts, she was getting visibly frustrated.

“You have to let him know what’s going to happen before it happens,” said Kathy Moore, an equine therapy facilitator at Freedom Place, as she stepped in to help. “It’s just like here, we try to let you girls know what’s going to happen before it happens, so you can make a good decision.”

On the next attempt, the girl started by petting the horse’s back, then slid her hand gently down his leg, coaxing him to raise his hoof so she could scrape off the caked mud. Once she was through, she moved on to the other hoof without a hitch. She and the horse were finally in sync.

It’s these lessons in patience, communication and regulating one’s emotions that Kathy, along with Sherri Clement and the other equine therapy instructors, hope to instill in the girls at Freedom Place, a safe haven for underage victims of sex trafficking in the Houston area.

The girls at Freedom Place arrive with debilitating anxiety stemming from the trauma of being trafficked. They may have issues with self-confidence, rejection, anger, or any number of other issues.

Equine therapy is meant to bring healing to the girls by teaching them to cope. It uses horse training to teach life lessons in topics such as building healthy relationships and overcoming fear. As the girls reflect on their success and failures in the horse corral, they can apply what they’ve learned to their everyday lives.

Three weeks into the program, the number one thing the group has focused on so far is self-soothing.

“Horses run from frustration, irritation and anger,” Kathy said. “One girl walked in irritated, and the horse ran away from her. She said ‘The horse doesn’t like me,’ and I told her ‘It’s not that he doesn’t like you, it’s that your energy is throwing him.’ I told her start at the top of her head and soften every part of her body, and as she turned back around to the horse, they felt that connectivity instantly.”

Kathy said horses are especially helpful in therapy because they are attuned to human emotions, and are often reflective of their handler’s mental state. For that reason, they’re not only helpful as a learning tool for the girls, but are revealing for therapists, who can get a better read on a resident’s mental health by seeing how their horse is behaving.

After working with the horses, the girls sit down together in a group therapy session to further process their emotions. The girl who’d had trouble with Chance described what was going through her head.

“At first, I was disappointed because he wouldn’t lift his leg,” she said. “He knew I was mad, and he couldn’t cope. I had to cool down and shift my mindset first, and after that he lifted it.”

Progress like this is what Kathy, Sherri and the rest of the Freedom Place team are hoping for. The girls are only in the first stages of the program, but as they progress, they will eventually get to ride the horses.

“First, the girl has to be stable, then we use the horses to teach these life skills like team work and problem solving,” Sheri said. “After that, horsemanship is the reward. Once they’ve earned the trust and respect of the horses, then they can start riding.”

To find out more how you can support the girls at Freedom Place, go to www.arrow.org/freedom-place.

In the beautifully written sentiments below, written by Arrow adoptive mom Jennie Sulfridge, she contemplates the struggles of adopting her three children, as well as the immense amount of joy they have brought into her life. As they sleep peacefully, she writes about a fourth daughter who will soon become part of their family. It’s clear Jennie has a huge heart, and we’re so grateful she chose to adopt through Arrow.

It’s late. I should be in bed. I always end up turning in later than I had planned. There’s just a lot to do in a day around here. We sometimes struggle to keep up. Most days we succeed. Some days, not so much. We try again tomorrow.

But tonight they sleep. All three of them. I’ll check on them one more time before turning in. I’ll straighten blankets and pick pillows off the floor. I’ll kiss foreheads and pet the cat that sleeps at the foot of one of their beds. They love that cat.

And it will all look so ordinary. But it’s not. It’s so much more than that.

These three that I tuck in each night are sisters, not by birth, but by adoption. It was a long road, a rocky one. I wasn’t very good at navigating it, but that’s okay because I didn’t have to walk it alone. The folks at Arrow were our biggest cheerleaders. They believed in us when we didn’t believe in ourselves. They knew how great it would be before we did and they play a part in this nightly ritual I stumble through. They play a big part.

You see as I walk out of their room tonight I’ll pause at a fourth bed, an empty bed. One that will soon be filled by another little Arrow girl. I’ll look at that bed in the dark and dream about the day I’ll straighten her blankets and kiss her forehead. It’s all ready for her with a new mattress and pillows, a quilt made by me, a blanket and special pillowcases made by her sisters. We’ve had fun preparing that bed for her.

And in the quiet of that dark room I pray for her little heart and I wonder what she will be like. I wonder what kind of spark she will add to our family. I wonder.

It won’t be easy, the beginning never is, but it will be worth it. She will be worth it. I won’t do it perfectly this fourth time around. I guarantee I will fall and get up just to fall again. There will be apologies, probably lots of them.

As I walk out of that room each night I can’t imagine life without them. They fill me up to overflowing every single day. I’m so very blessed.

Our adoption journey did not look like I thought it would. It was messy and hard and most days we barely made it through. But we made it. Together. That’s what counts.

This adoption thing isn’t always pretty, but it’s always beautiful.

Thankful for those beautiful daughters of mine. And thankful for Arrow too.

Child victims of sex trafficking come from all walks of life and vary in ethnicity and age, but they all have one thing in common—the stories of the abuse they’ve suffered are heartbreaking.

January is National Slavery and Human Trafficking Prevention Month—a time for our communities to come together and take action to end modern day slavery, and help those who’ve already been victimized.

The average age of a child sold into prostitution is just 14 years old. Girls are sometimes sold by their own family members, or lured into dangerous situations at parties or online. The average pimp makes more than $200,000 per child each year, and usually has between four and six girls.

When police bust a sex trafficking ring, these children have few places to get the support they need. Often they are placed in juvenile detention.

But Arrow provides a significantly better option: Freedom Place.

Freedom Place is one of the few residential treatment centers in the country for underage victims of sex trafficking. The 42-bed facility, located just outside of Houston, provides therapy, spiritual support, education from an accredited school on-site, money management and job training. Arrow’s goal is to provide them the tools to lead a healthy and productive life so they are no longer vulnerable to re-victimization and exploitation.

Freedom Place has served dozens of girls since its opening three years ago. The transformation in their lives has been amazing.

One resident recently described how she never thought she would graduate from high school, but the teachers at Freedom Place supported and encouraged her. Now, she has her diploma.

“As I walked on the stage and heard the graduation music and looked at everyone’s eyes tearing up, I started tearing up and became speechless,” she said. “Graduating meant the world to me, and now I’ve accomplished it.”

Another resident expressed her transformation through poetry. Her beautiful poem sums up exactly what Arrow wishes to provide for the girls at Freedom Place.

One of the stanzas reads “I lived most of my life in this scary dream-like state / But no longer is this the case / Because I finally woke up when I came to Freedom Place / So now I can rest for a little while / Because soon the world will get to see / The very best me that I can be / While I’ll get to live safe, live well and live free.”

We celebrate the transformations of the girls who have come to Freedom Place, but let’s not forget the more than 100,000 American children lured into the sex slave trade each year who don’t have the same opportunity. Far more resources to help them are still needed.

You can learn more about Freedom Place, human trafficking, and how you can help at www.arrow.org/freedom-place.

The holidays are a joyous time for most of us, but can also be a time of great stress and anxiety, especially for foster children. They may be missing their biological families, and the time off from school can throw off their routine. That’s why it’s so important to be sensitive to their feelings during Christmas time.

Andrea Requenes, Spring Program Director, gave us some tips for making the Christmas season go as smoothly as possible for foster kids.

For kids who are missing their biological families during Christmas, Andrea says one way to give them a sense of home is to incorporate one of their family traditions into the celebration. One of our families has successfully done this in their foster home for years.

“One kid might say, ‘Well it’s my family’s tradition to drink hot chocolate on Christmas Eve, and another might say ‘I really liked when we would all get to pick an ornament for the tree.’” Andrea said. Then the foster family has this big holiday party with all the different traditions. I always thought that was a good way to handle that.”

When it comes time to open presents, or have a big Christmas meal, foster kids may worry their bio parents are not faring as well. They may wonder if their bio parents are safe, or have enough to eat. They may become moody or sad, so be sensitive to their situation.

Meeting extended family can also create anxiety among foster kids during the holidays. Andrea suggests including foster children in family events, but not pushing them to share their story if they don’t want to.

“We don’t want the child to feel left out, but we certainly don’t want to put the child on display, or make them feel they have to explain their story to all these strangers,” Andrea said. “It’s great to include them, but be sensitive to how you introduce the children.”

Finally, Andrea says to manage expectations during the holidays. Temper tantrums may be more frequent with all the excitement and stimuli.

“I’m a grown woman, and even I sometimes want to throw a temper tantrum when I go Christmas shopping,” she said. “Be mindful of the fact that they’re off schedule, they’re off from school and they’re probably eating more sugar with all the Christmas sweets around. It’s just like with your bio kids, except these kids have traumatic backgrounds to deal with on top of all of that, so if you’re taking them to a lot of events and parties, have patience.”

When Jason and Mistie Stephens met 3-year-old Emma while volunteering in a special needs classroom at their church, they knew God was calling them to adopt her.

Emma was removed from her biological family with non-accidental trauma and malnutrition, which also left her blind. When the Stephens met her, she was being cared for by another Arrow foster family, but the Stephens instantly connected with her.

“She’s just amazing,” said Mistie Stephens. “We fell in love with her the first day we met her. We thought God had sent her, and we were supposed to adopt her. We didn’t know if she was even available for adoption, and we didn’t know anything about adoption agencies, but that was what God was calling us to do.”

The Stephens trained through Arrow in the hopes that they may one day be able to adopt Emma, and became a respite care provider for her foster family. Even though she was unavailable for adoption at the time, the Stephens were sure Emma was meant to be part of their family.

Over the next two and half years, the Stephens grew closer to Emma. Eventually they became her foster parents, and in time Emma’s birth parents parental rights were terminated. Emma officially became a Stephens on August 7, 2013.

“We just had faith in God that this was God’s will for our life, and we were dependent on him every step of the way,” Mistie said.

Mistie says Emma’s blindness is hardly an issue. She’s always quick to adapt and excels in school. She’s reading braille two grade levels above where she should be, and was added to the school’s Gifted and Talented program this year.

But most of all, she’s just a normal 6-year-old girl.

“She’s so friendly and so happy and bubbly and jumpy,” Mistie said. “She loves princesses and girly things, and bows in her hair, and having her nails painted, and she’s just got a big personality and a love for the Lord,” Mistie said. “She talks about the Lord and about Jesus all the time. She’s just wonderful.”

Emma even inspired the Stephens to become champions for adoption. Before she was even placed with them, they started a foster/adoption ministry at their church, and held a mini-conference where Christian agencies, including Arrow, could give out information on orphan care.

Additionally, they’ll soon begin working with a local children’s home that has 18 foster children placed in its care.

“We’re just doing what God was calling us to do,” Mistie said. “We’re blessed he put this desire in our hearts.”

On November 21, Gabby Gullett became the first child to be adopted into a permanent, loving family through Arrow’s partnership with the Assemblies of God North TX District and their orphan care initiative “The Keep.” The Keep is focused on developing church-based solutions to local orphan care needs in Texas and other partner Assembly of God conferences, as well as other faith-based groups.

Before the adoption, Katie Gullett, Gabby’s adoptive mother, wrote about her family’s adoption journey. You can read her story below about how God brought Gabby into their lives, as well as watch a video of the special day when the adoption was finalized!

In October 2012, we felt God’s call for us to expand our family through adoption. We had no idea where or how to begin, but knew if God had called us…He would show us the way. In October 2013, The Keep visited our church and shared their ministry and mission. God was showing us the way! After service we attended an informational lunch/meeting. We left the meeting with peace, joy, hope, and confirmation of God’s call for us to adopt. Our journey had begun! Paperwork and meetings were in store, but we were ready! Our next meeting came on December 19, 2013 just before Christmas. We learned more about the process and what to expect. We also received “the paperwork”. The holidays came and our home was filled with great happiness. In the midst of such a wonderful season, we found ourselves missing our child/children. God was preparing our entire family and had already birthed our child/children in our hearts. Although we had yet to meet them or see them or anything…we loved them and missed them! We know that God’s timing is perfect, so we waited and prayed….

Our Precious Child,
Your life is not a mistake. God made you out of the love that He is. He called you into being at the right time and the right place. You are a privilege, not a burden. You are a joy and a delight. You are God’s masterpiece! We pray for you. We ask God to protect and strengthen you. We ask God to heal you and give you peace. We ask God to carry you and wrap His arms around you until we are able to. You are cherished! You are loved! You are chosen!
Love, Your Forever Family

Our home study was completed in February 2014 and we were officially licensed on April 4, 2014. We submitted several home studies and patiently waited to welcome home the child/children that God had chosen to join our family. God had a different plan, and on June 10, 2014 we received a phone call from our adoption coordinator explaining to us that there was a unique situation and they were needing to place a child quickly with an adoptive home. Unbeknownst to us, the day before our adoption coordinator had presented our family and our home had been approved for this child. All we needed to do was say, “yes”. We knew that this was the child that God had chosen. So with little information and sight unseen, we said “yes”. We met our precious daughter on Wednesday, June 11^th and welcomed her home on Friday, June 13^th. As we began receiving information about our sweet girl, we discovered that she was born in October of 2012. The very month that God had began calling us to adopt! God was preparing us from the moment she entered the world! We are so excited, blessed, humbled, and overwhelmed by all God has done and will continue to do!

– Katie Gullett

Sitting around the dinner table enjoying chicken noodle soup, the Senofsky family shared their “highs and lows” for the day.

For the youngest, 6-year-old Abigail, the highlight of her day was being with everyone at the table, from her adoptive mom and dad, Lori and Nick, to her three siblings and her nanny, Hannah. Her low was that a bully at school told her to “shut up,” which hurt her feelings.

But even though hurtful, the quip is mild compared to the traumas Abigail has experienced in her short life.

She and her siblings, 11-year-old Samantha and 7-year-old Daniel, were placed in Lori and Nick Senofsky’s care in September of last year. Their previous foster parents told the children they would adopt them, but then things fell apart, leaving them even more wary, especially Daniel.

When Daniel threw a toy and accidentally broke a picture in his new home, he immediately broke down and hid, fearful that Lori and Nick would send him to yet another foster home. Samantha, the eldest, estimated that she had been in at least 10 foster homes, some with Abigail and Daniel, some split apart from them.

The result is that the three are working through issues that most adults can’t even begin to imagine.

However, before even meeting the kids, Lori and Nick were committed to adopting them, giving them a permanent, stable home.

“We believe that God gave them to us,” Lori said. “There was no plan B right from the start. We trusted God to pick our three biological kids, and we trusted God to pick our adopted kids too.”

With patience, love and faith in God, Lori and Nick are seeing God begin to heal the siblings’ hearts from their feelings of abandonment and betrayal. Their official adoption in July was an especially important part of the healing process.

“They were very wounded,” Nick said. “You can take all the classes you want, but until you live it, you can’t imagine what it’s like.”

One of the most difficult problems the children are overcoming is their nightmares. Lori and Nick have relied on God to grant their children peaceful sleep. They even anointed the children’s beds, and have taught them to pray for Jesus to take away their nightmares before going to sleep. Lori said the prayers have helped with their nightmares tremendously because they empower the children to ask Jesus for help, and not feel like victims and live in fear.

“For me, it was a miracle,” she said.

Prayer plays a huge role in the family’s life constantly, not just at bedtime. When the kids are having a bad day, Lori has a group of supporters she texts to ask for prayers.

The couple’s 17-year-old birth daughter, Lauren, and 22-year-old birth son, Will, have been another huge help in caring for their new siblings. Both have made sacrifices in order to spend time with them. Lauren sacrificed time with her friends or dates to watch them, and Will even decided to live at home instead of on his own so the three would get to know him.

However, there was still a need for another set of helping hands, especially so Lauren could a chance to enjoy her senior year of high school to its fullest, so Lori and Nick hired a nanny, Hannah, to help out.

“Hannah really saved our family dynamic,” Nick said.

Lori, Nick, Lauren, Will, Hannah and other family and friends have come together as a team to help the siblings, and they’ve shown dramatic improvement over the past year. They are doing better in school, their fears have lessened and their behavior continues to improve.

Along the way, Lori and Nick have grown spiritually.

“We’ve experienced God in a way we never had before,” Nick said. “All you can do is depend on God. My faith has really deepened.”

But more importantly, the kids “have a stable home, a lot of love and a better shot at a future,” he said.

Our regional adoption coordinator in the DFW Metroplex, Mala Ganapati, answered some questions about adoption, and told us about the most exciting part of her job– seeing children find permanent, loving homes! Her wonderful, insightful responses are below.

Arrow: What would you say to adoptive parents who are scared they won’t feel that paternal bond with their adoptive child in the same way they would a bio child?

Mala: You have to go into foster care/adoption knowing that you have to be unconditional in your affection for the child or children you are fostering or adopting. It is not easy and you have to work at it. Knowing that it is something you have to work on, knowing that it is something that does not come automatically (sometimes) are all good reasons to develop a good support group who understands exactly what you are going through and can help you through the hard times.

Arrow: Can you tell us about one adoption you can’t wait to see finalized on National Adoption Day later this month?

Mala: Wow! Hard to pick…. all adoptions are special, and I cannot wait for so many of them to finalize. I do have a very special one– The Hurds are one of our foster parents who have been with us for almost 12 years! They have adopted a child who is now a young adult and is in college. They have been fostering these two young girls for almost 4 years. The girls have an older sister who they were waiting for to join them in adoption. However, that child had several challenges that did not allow this to happen. The Hurds are a sweet older couple who are more like grandparents to these girls. They had always told us that they would let the girls find a home better suited to their age. When it came to decision time, the Hurds were not able to see their home without the girls! We all have these pre-conceived notions that adoptive families have to look a certain way…I sure did! I knew the Hurds from being their AFS (case worker) and helping then through their first adoption. I was worried. Worried for the girls and the family…..for no good reason. They love the girls, are not worried about their age one bit and are ready to keep the girls in their family forever. We tend to forget that adoption is not just by a person or a couple. Adoption is something that the whole family participates in when it happens. So, I could go on and on…but the girls are getting adopted on National Adoption Day.

Arrow: What’s a common misconception about adoption you want to dispel?

Mala: The families who come claiming that they have to adopt a child younger than their child in order to maintain birth order drives me a little insane! We have done adoptions for years and have seen it done any which way, and I think it has been conclusively proven that it doesn’t matter. What matters is a family that is committed to a child and can see them through the challenges that comes from their position in the family being disrupted. This includes a child struggling to be a big brother or sister when a family has a baby, a child comes into foster care from losing a bio family, or a child being placed for adoption who is coming from a loving foster home.

Arrow: Can you tell us about a common obstacle adoptive families face?

Mala: Families typically are very confident in their desire and ability to care for children or adopt them. They however have to overcome the fact that reality is sometimes more challenging and not give up!

Arrow: If a family is thinking about taking Arrow training classes with the goal of adopting, what advice would you give them as they try to make that decision?

Mala: Take that first step! Come with the intention of learning more and understanding the children and the process. We will hold your hands and help you figure what is right for your family.

If you’d like to learn more about adopting, please come to one of our orientations! To find out when the next orientation is in your area, go to www.arrow.org/meeting.

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