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November 13, 2014


Our regional adoption coordinator in the DFW Metroplex, Mala Ganapati, answered some questions about adoption, and told us about the most exciting part of her job– seeing children find permanent, loving homes! Her wonderful, insightful responses are below.

Mala Ganapati (2)Arrow: What would you say to adoptive parents who are scared they won’t feel that paternal bond with their adoptive child in the same way they would a bio child?

Mala: You have to go into foster care/adoption knowing that you have to be unconditional in your affection for the child or children you are fostering or adopting. It is not easy and you have to work at it. Knowing that it is something you have to work on, knowing that it is something that does not come automatically (sometimes) are all good reasons to develop a good support group who understands exactly what you are going through and can help you through the hard times.

Arrow: Can you tell us about one adoption you can’t wait to see finalized on National Adoption Day later this month?

Mala: Wow! Hard to pick…. all adoptions are special, and I cannot wait for so many of them to finalize. I do have a very special one– The Hurds are one of our foster parents who have been with us for almost 12 years! They have adopted a child who is now a young adult and is in college. They have been fostering these two young girls for almost 4 years. The girls have an older sister who they were waiting for to join them in adoption. However, that child had several challenges that did not allow this to happen. The Hurds are a sweet older couple who are more like grandparents to these girls. They had always told us that they would let the girls find a home better suited to their age. When it came to decision time, the Hurds were not able to see their home without the girls! We all have these pre-conceived notions that adoptive families have to look a certain way…I sure did! I knew the Hurds from being their AFS (case worker) and helping then through their first adoption. I was worried. Worried for the girls and the family…..for no good reason. They love the girls, are not worried about their age one bit and are ready to keep the girls in their family forever. We tend to forget that adoption is not just by a person or a couple. Adoption is something that the whole family participates in when it happens. So, I could go on and on…but the girls are getting adopted on National Adoption Day.

Arrow: What’s a common misconception about adoption you want to dispel?

Mala: The families who come claiming that they have to adopt a child younger than their child in order to maintain birth order drives me a little insane! We have done adoptions for years and have seen it done any which way, and I think it has been conclusively proven that it doesn’t matter. What matters is a family that is committed to a child and can see them through the challenges that comes from their position in the family being disrupted. This includes a child struggling to be a big brother or sister when a family has a baby, a child comes into foster care from losing a bio family, or a child being placed for adoption who is coming from a loving foster home.

Arrow: Can you tell us about a common obstacle adoptive families face?

Mala: Families typically are very confident in their desire and ability to care for children or adopt them. They however have to overcome the fact that reality is sometimes more challenging and not give up!

Arrow: If a family is thinking about taking Arrow training classes with the goal of adopting, what advice would you give them as they try to make that decision?

Mala: Take that first step! Come with the intention of learning more and understanding the children and the process. We will hold your hands and help you figure what is right for your family.

If you’d like to learn more about adopting, please come to one of our orientations! To find out when the next orientation is in  your area, go to www.arrow.org/meeting



October 16, 2014


A biological family came together in a unique way to help a group of four foster siblings stay together.

Pam and Ricky Countryman were in their late 50s and empty-nesters, but when they saw a story on their local news about foster care, they felt called to adopt.

Pam talked to her grown daughter, Jennifer Ridgel, about what she had seen on TV, and Jennifer and her husband Jesse also decided they wanted to add to their family through adoption.

“We both had a heart for these kids,” Pam said.

Pam, Ricky, Jennifer and Jesse all trained through Arrow’s Waco office.

Eventually, a sibling group of four, ages 10, 9, 5 and 3, were placed in Pam and Ricky’s care.

The Ridgel family
The Ridgel family

But the eldest, Jerome, proved a bit much for Pam and Ricky to handle. They loved him deeply, but struggled with his behavioral issues. That’s when Jennifer and Jesse “stepped up to the plate,” as Pam puts it. They decided they would adopt Jerome instead  of Pam and Ricky.“When they arrived, they called me Miss Pam because they had hopped around to several foster homes,” Pam said. “At first, Yvonne (the 9 year old) didn’t call me anything. The second week she was here, she called me grandma. No one else did, just her. When I asked her about it, she said, ‘Because I knew you were the one.’ [Kids] perceive these things.”

“He was already in our family before he was in our home,” Jennifer said.

At that point, Jennifer and Jesse already had two foster placements—Damarion and Ro’Nozzio, and had plans to adopt the two boys, but they were confident in their ability to help Jerome as well. Damarion, Ro’Nozzio and Jermoe’s adoptions were all finalized in the latter half of that year, as were Pam and Ricky’s adoptions of Yvonne, Jaden and Milly, Jerome’s siblings.

Jennifer, Jesse, Pam and Ricky can rely on each other for support, but that doesn’t mean fostering and adopting the siblings has been without obstacles.

“They don’t walk in the door and you love them,” Pam said. “You have to create a bond. You have to create a love for them.”

Jennifer said another challenge is having patience, and pushing forward when it seems progress with the children is slow.

“When you start to peel back the layers, it gets worse before it gets better,” Jennifer said. “People think, ‘If you just give them a good home and love them…’ and that’s true to a certain extent, but some things you have to dig [out].”

However, when the kids do start to heal and mesh with the rest of the family, it’s an amazing thing to witness, Pam said.

“At first, they’re afraid to open up because they think you’re going to leave like everyone else has. You can see a little fear in their hearts,” Pam said. “But then you see them blossom, and that’s a blessing.”

Both Pam and Jennifer said relying on God was paramount during the fostering and adoption process.

“You have to trust that God will get you through it, because the kids are trusting you to make the right decisions,” Jennifer said. “There is no turning back.  Once you open your home to these kids you have to be committed.”



August 7, 2014


It’s not skin color, or age, or marital status that determines who is family to whom, but a powerful connection of love that binds families together.

That’s how Arrow team member Kellee sees it.

Kellee is a single, Caucasian woman who adopted an African American toddler, Travis, last June. Though the pair may not be what comes to mind when you’re asked to picture a conventional family, their situation is actually quite common.

About 13,000 single women and 1,400 single men adopted a child in 2011, accounting for about a third of adoptions.

Kellee said she knew she wanted to adopt one day from the time she was 15 or 16 years old. At the time, she pictured herself adopting internationally.

Kellee Travis smile

But as she learned about the thousands of children in the United States in need of a family, her feelings changed. Kellee started working at Arrow five years ago, and became very familiar with the adoption process, and what she could expect as a foster parent.

After turning 34, she felt the time was right for her to become a mom.

Arrow employees aren’t allowed to train and adopt through Arrow, so Kellee went through foster parent training with another area nonprofit. All went smoothly, and before she knew it, she was fostering 17-month-old Travis.

His parental rights had already been terminated, so Kellee knew from the beginning that he was eligible for adoption.

“I felt like my prayer was answered,” Kellee said. “I had asked God to make it clear if the child placed in my home was going to be with me forever, or to make it clear if they were going to go.”

For a while after Travis was placed in her care, friends and family would ask Kellee if she “felt like a mother,” and at first, she wasn’t sure.  Having never had any biological children it was unclear what motherhood “should” feel like.  There wasn’t any sort of epiphany when the answer became a definitive yes, but over time as she and Travis bonded she found herself thinking about him more and more throughout the day, looking forward to playing with him during the evenings, and constantly worrying about him as all mother’s do.  That’s when Kellee started to see that motherhood doesn’t have to feel or look a certain way.  It is what naturally forms between mother and child over time.  The routines and rituals of the days spent together.   On June 25, after more than a year of fostering, Kellee officially adopted Travis

Her family has come to love Travis, too. Kellee worried her older family members, who grew up in a segregated south, may not be open to having a black family member, but it never became an issue.

“It’s amazing to see how your family makes that shift with you,” Kellee said. “They just have to get comfortable with it, just as you have to.”

Kellee’s extended family, as well as her friends and coworkers from Arrow, are always offering help and advice, which makes being a single parent easier.

“Everyone in my life understands adoption,” Kellee said. “I couldn’t ask for a better support system.”

Kellee Travis goatTravis is growing up fast. He’s developing a sense of humor, and loves to sneak up on Kellee and try to scare her. He can already count to 10, knows his colors and some of his letters.

Kellee knows the day will come when she’ll have to explain adoption to Travis, but in the meantime, she’s getting a lot of practice. She said children sometimes ask how she can be Travis’ mom since their skin tones don’t match, but she’s come up with a simple way to explain it.

“I tell them ‘Well, you know how you and your mommy’s hair match? Travis and I have the same heart. Our hearts match,’” Kellee said.

As for advice to other single men and women considering adoption, Kellee said “Go for it.”

“You have this unbelievable opportunity to provide a family for a child,” Kellee said. “These kids have been through the worst circumstances, but adoption can end up being the best thing in both your lives.”



June 23, 2014

Jessica Bee was a foster parent for more than two and a half years before the adoption of her two children was finalized last month. In this post, Bee corrects some foster care and adoption misconceptions, and offers some food for thought about relationships, parenting and the similarities and differences between bio and adoptive families.  You can read Jessica’s blog at adifferentyear.wordpress.com.
 

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Bee kidsBefore adopting two awesome kids who came into my life through the foster care system, I had this idea in my mind that the whole ordeal would be kind of like what happened in Annie. We would just be handed a precocious, well-adjusted child that we would rescue from their dire straits through love and perseverance and possibly a few well-timed choreographic musical numbers. The truth is that it’s infinitely more complicated than that, although it is equally thrilling and wonderful – minus the giant mansion and, sadly, Punjab. We could all use a little Punjab in our lives.

So, if there is someone you know (maybe you?) who is going through – or considering going through – this glorious insanity, here are some things to keep in mind.

1. I am my children’s “real” mother. My husband is their “real” father.   People, I know what you mean when you ask who their “real” mother is. I get it. In the minds of a non-adoptive parent, especially a woman who has birthed babies out of her own loins, motherhood means that your ovaries made an egg, which was fertilized and grew within your own womb, and then pushed out of your nether regions. But please understand that biology isn’t the trump card in motherhood. I didn’t give birth to my kids, although not a day goes by that I didn’t wish I could have had that experience. Instead, I met my children when they were toddlers. I worked at my relationship with them – not through biology, but through sheer determination. I became their “real” mother, and even though it didn’t happen at birth, it happened. I am real, we are real, this is real. Really.

2. Their lives and their circumstances are private. A lot of adoptive kids have stories that aren’t easy to tell. I may choose to share some of the details, in broad strokes, but this is their story to tell – if and when they choose to. Most of our close friends and family know the quick and dirty about what our kids’ lives were like before coming to live with us. We’re not ashamed of them and we don’t pretend they grew up in a golden castle with a snow leopard as a pet and had nothing but loving, magical experiences. On the contrary, we accept and recognize their past. We just don’t want to explain it to everyone we meet.

3. Sometimes, we need to do things a little differently. There is no such thing as one size fits all parenting, we all know that. What works for one kid or one family might not work for others. But, sometimes, kids who have come from really awful experiences may need things that kids who don’t come from really awful experiences may not. It’s that simple.

Yeah, you don’t let your kids graze for snacks between meals. That’s awesome, and I’m glad it worked for you. But my kids? Food wasn’t always a constant in their lives, and so providing it is a form of trust. Letting them know it’s always there is important. You put your kid to bed at a certain time and then don’t let them leave their rooms? Okay. But my daughter needs to know that someone is there, because she was left alone so much as a baby. She needs me to lie with her and rub her hair until she falls asleep, even if it takes an hour. And, so, that’s what I do.

At the end of the day, we all want our kids to be happy and healthy and safe. Adoptive parents sometimes take a different path to get there.

4. Kids adopted from foster care aren’t messed up kids. An idea exists about kids in foster care – that they’re completely and totally damaged. They’ll steal from you. They’ll hurt you. They’ll reject your love and ruin your life because they’re just rotten to the core. Someone messed them up, and now they’ll be that way. Forever.

Let’s get real for a moment here. A lot foster children have come from extremely difficult circumstances. Abuse of all kinds, neglect, exposure to drugs both in utero and during their daily lives, squalid conditions – it happened. And those sort of things have a profound effect on kids, even if they were very young when it occurred. Their minds may or may not have memories of what happened, but their bodies always do. Sometimes these circumstances lead to difficulties in their lives – difficulties in forming relationships, difficulties with trust, and, yes, as a result there are sometimes difficulties with behavior.

That being said, there is no such thing as messed up kids – there are just kids that come from messed up places.And that’s where we come in – their adoptive families, friends, communities, schools, churches, neighborhoods. We come in and we love them and we care for them and we do everything we can to make this part of their lives as amazing as we can. We show them their worth, help them learn to trust, and provide the stability that serves as a foundation for healing.

Love works, but not by itself. These kids with messed up circumstances need support, guidance, stability. Sometimes therapy. The road there isn’t always paved with gold and lined with daisies, but the road exists. They just need someone to follow them down it.

5.Nothing is different. Everything is different. Nothing is different. Adoptive families are families, and for the most part we operate in the same way biological families do. Sure, some things are different by design, but we just want to be treated the way we feel – like normal, everyday, crazy, complicated, normal groups of people who love each other. I don’t know of any families that have adopted who introduce their children as “my ADOPTED son….” or “my former foster child, now adopted…” Please don’t ever introduce us as such.

6. You can’t replace relationships. Not ever. This has been one of the hardest things for me to accept. Subconciously, I viewed myself as a replacement Mom to my kids. Oh, that lady who used to be your Mom? She didn’t do a good job, so I’m here now, and I love you, and it’s all good! But it’s not that simple. I can’t ever replace the woman who gave birth to my children, and I don’t want to. No matter what happened, no matter how things were, she is the woman they bonded to when they first entered the world. She is the woman who gave them life. I am not her substitute, I am not her replacement. I am the mother who continued to give them life, who nurtured them next, who will see them into their future. And that is enough.

7. Adoption is born of loss. As wonderful and beautiful and amazing as adoption is, it starts with a loss, especially in foster care. A mother and father lost their children. Grandparents lost their grandchildren. Siblings are separated. My children lost countless family members, most of whom they will never see again.

Early on, I let anger rob me of my empathy. It was their birth mother’s fault that she lost her kids, why should I feel sorry? If any of those family members wanted the kids, they would have stepped up to the plate and taken custody, why should I feel sorry? The truth is that it’s always more complicated than that, and assigning blame might feel good in the moment, but ultimately it will just crush all the good we’ve worked so hard to build up. As a mother, I feel like I want to claw the eyes out of anyone who has ever hurt my kids. As a human being, I know that forgiveness is about letting go, recognizing the loss, and working to heal it.

8. This is work. Imagine if the moment that you met a new person – literally, the first moment you laid eyes on them – you were expected to live with them, trust them, rely on them for your every need, respect them, bond with them emotionally, and follow their rules. This is what children in care go through when they’re placed in a new foster home.

As adults, we don’t build relationships that way, not even friendships. We start small – “Hey, let’s get a coffee!” and then we get to know each other before we care, trust, and love. Kids in care don’t get that luxury. They are thrust head first into new places, with new people, new rules. Sometimes they’re in a new town. They sleep in unfamiliar beds in unfamiliar houses and eat unfamiliar breakfasts at unfamiliar places.

I get chills when I think about how terrifying that must have been for my kids, the first night they spent our home. It takes work to build trust, especially with kids who are scared, alone, and confused. You are strangers, in a strange world. They have no reason to depend on you, and every reason not to. As new foster parents, our kids were just as foreign to us as we were to them. We didn’t know them. We spend so much time worrying about their health and safety, shuttling them to doctors appointments and therapy and speech evaluations. We introduced ourselves by our first names.

And so we worked. We worked on building a relationship. We got to know the kids; what they liked and didn’t like, what they needed, who they were. We continue to work – to iron out the kinks that hold them back emotionally, to prove to them that they are safe and loved. We will always work.

9. You are important in our children’s lives. Yes, you. You, and everyone around you are essential in the upbringing of kids who have come from care. Every single person they meet will have an impact on them, positively or negatively. See, when kids are just learning to trust and love and be comfortable again, every single person they encounter can have a profound effect. Thanks for being so awesome.

10. You can do this too. Promise. I can’t tell you how many people have told my husband and I that they admire what they do, but could never do it. And to each and every person who has said that, my response has been the same: sure you could. Being a foster parent or an adoptive foster parent is, at its core, very simple. Anyone who has ever parented has already done what you need to do. Can you make a kid feel safe? Provide for them? Care for them? Advocate for them?

There are over half a million kids in foster care across this country this year, and not enough families to take them in. Chances are that you have what it takes, you just don’t know it yet. Choose to make a child’s life extraordinary. Be a foster parent.



May 24, 2014


Originally posted at showhope.org

GUEST POST: Why does God call people to adopt?

This might seem like a question with an obvious answer. But sometimes, stating the obvious is a good thing.

For us, the call to adopt was heard relatively late in life. In fact, it was about the time we’d decided we were done growing our family the biological way. Yes, we’d told God we were His, and surrendered our plans to Him, but no more kids, m’kay?

Adoption was not even on our radar.

Almost 10 years later, we have adopted 7 children from China. Our beautiful brood has grown from 4 to 11. The Lord has done a mighty big work in our little family.

But why? Why are some of us called to adopt?

When we accept Christ as our Savior, He calls us to join Him in His story of redemption. In fact, Jesus tells us to “Go…” For each of us that is a unique directive, and for some of us, that is adoption. And when God calls us to adopt, I can testify… He can use it to transform us in a big way.

5 Reasons God Calls Us To Adopt:

1. For the orphan. This might seem painfully obvious, but oh my, does the Lord do an amazing work in the life of a once-orphaned-but-now-beloved-child. And please don’t miss this: when we adopt, it’s God’s idea. It is God that’s going in – and He asks us to join Him. If we try to get into the driver’s seat, it can breed self-righteousness and back-patting. And God wants to use all things to draw us closer to Him, not elevate ourselves. The beautiful thing about being God’s assistant in this thing called adoption is that is you get go join in His work, get your hands dirty, see the way the Lord transforms and yet He holds up both ends. He begins the work – way before He invited you in – and He promises to finish it. And then He gets the real glory. There is nothing I have experienced in my 45 years that compares to witnessing a child bloom in a forever family. It’s a beautiful thing.

Continue Reading HERE



May 14, 2014

Originally posted on The Gospel Coalition Blog by Chelsea Patterson.

Apart from the gift of my salvation, earthly adoption is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. I was an orphan—both physically and spiritually. My story began in Romania with a 19-year-old unwed girl who wasn’t able to take care of me. The Lord sovereignly chose adoption for me. I am blessed that a man and a woman from the United States made a decision that radically altered my life forever when they traveled across the world and chose me as their daughter.

I was rescued from a life void of love and care and freely given a new life beyond my wildest dreams. Adoption is immensely personal, because I was specifically chosen, sought out, bought, declared to have all the rights and privileges of being a member of a new family, and most importantly, loved beyond belief.

As I pause to meditate on my adoption from Romania, I cannot help but meditate on an even greater adoption.

Greater Adoption

Earthly adoption, while incredible, must be viewed as a representing God’s greater adoption. My adoption was a result of sin—the fallen nature of man and the specific sin of my birth parents. The greater adoption redeems from sin.

Whom did Jesus intentionally seek out while he was doing his earthly ministry? The sick, the outcast, the children, the sinners—those whom most Americans shy away from, those whom most Americans build their perfect little lives in order to avoid. We don’t want to “get dirty,” we don’t want to love until it hurts, and we don’t want to sacrifice. But that is what Christ has called us to do.

The Great Commission is beautifully and accurately displayed in adoption. God commands his followers to go into all the world making disciples. The Lord has called his church and his people to carry the gospel to the ends of the earth. John Piper said it well when he taught, “The gospel is not a picture of adoption, adoption is a picture of the gospel.”

If the Lord chooses you for adoption, and you repent and trust in his finished work of Jesus on the cross to atone for your sins, you are adopted into his family. As a result, you receive the King of the universe as your Father, you are granted full access to come to him, and you are called his own.

Unconditional Love

God did not choose to adopt you because of anything you did, for we are completely undeserving of his great adoption. As a helpless baby in Romania, I could not do anything to prove that I was worthy of being adopted. I could not work my way into my earthly father’s heart. I could do nothing but accept and enjoy the gift of adoption. As God’s child, there is nothing you can do to make him love you more, for he has already given the greatest gift—his Son.

Delight in the greater adoption. Live as one who knows you have God as your Father. You were purchased by the precious blood of Jesus, redeemed from sin, and offered an eternal inheritance.

Every February, my family remembers my adoption day. We exchange flowers, hugs, tears, good memories, and love. Like other former orphans, I consider my adoption day a cause of great celebration. But how much greater and more worthy of celebration is our salvation and the greater adoption! Praise the Father that you are his own. Meditate on the implications of this great adoption for your life, the life of the body, and for those who don’t call God their father. Thank the Lord that he redeemed you, encourage your brothers and sisters with the truths of the greater adoption, and seek to share this redemption and love with those who aren’t yet God’s children.



September 5, 2013


The Pirtle Family
Isabel (left), Mike, Isaac, Ruben and Rachel Pirtle
When we first married nearly thirteen years ago, we both felt that God had laid adoption upon our hearts. We didn’t know when the time for adoption would be, but it was always in the back of our minds . . . someday. After having two biological children, Isaac (now 7) and Isabel (now 5), we were finally in a place where our life felt “settled.” However, we knew that we weren’t finished adding to our family yet. Through various circumstances, we both felt a huge prompt to begin looking into adoption. We knew the time was finally right. At first we looked into international adoption after hearing the experiences of friends and reading many joyful adoption stories. After looking into the process, it became very clear to us that international adoption was a closed door to us at that point in our lives. Immediately, we begin looking into the domestic option. We were hesitant at first because of the negative stigma many times associated with the state system. We were afraid of what we might encounter, but we decided to step out on faith.

After making a few calls about how to get started, we were directed to Keith Howard at Arrow Child and Family Ministries in Amarillo. Though we frequently called with a plethora

of questions, the staff at Arrow always took time out to patiently answer, encourage and guide us through the training process. Our positive, assuring experience at Arrow eased our doubts and fears about fostering to adopt. After receiving our foster license through Arrow, we began to submit our home study on children that we hoped would be a match for our family. We prayed over each one, asking God to keep his hand up on the child that we were meant to raise. Only a month after obtaining our license and submitting our home study on a few cases, we received a call about a possible legal-risk placement; a five-year-old boy named Ruben. We read the case file, prayed over it, and decided that we would love to have this little boy in our home. It was decided that he would come for a 3-day visit before permanent placement, to make sure he would be happy in our home. The first day this bright, bubbly, outgoing little boy walked in our door, our whole family loved him. The bond came so easily and Ruben settled in seamlessly with our other two children.

Three months into the placement he became legally free for adoption, and after three more months, we attended our court hearing and he became ours forever. Though some days have their challenges, we are thankful for the support available through our friends at Arrow and our local foster parent association, and we’re eternally grateful for the healing and hope that comes from our Lord. The adoption experience has shown us a beautiful picture of the grace by which we’re adopted into our Father’s family!