Foster Stories Archives - Page 2 of 6 - Arrow Child & Family Ministries

At six years old, Raven was often left alone to take care of her baby brother Benji and her four year-old brother Gavin, while their drug and alcohol addicted mother would party with her friends. There were even times when their mother would drag the three children with her while she got wasted.

Neighbors took notice of the children’s situation and called CPS, but when the knock came at the door, their mother told the kids to hide and be quiet. It wasn’t until Raven showed up at school wearing her mother’s clothes that raised a red flag, and school officials intervened.

Their mother was allowed to have a final meal with the children at a McDonald’s before CPS took Raven and her brothers away. For the kids, it was just normal day playing on the McDonald’s playground equipment. Then their mother called them over and began crying as she told the kids they were going to be taken away from her, and she couldn’t do anything about it. The kids started crying and didn’t understand what was happening to them. Emotionally exhausted, Raven fell asleep on the long drive to their new foster parent’s house.

“We were in that home for about two years,” explains Raven, now 19 years old. “But those foster parents only wanted to adopt my baby brother, they didn’t want us older kids.”

The children’s Arrow Ambassador Family Specialist would not consider splitting up the siblings. She told the foster parents it was an all or nothing situation. So Raven and her brothers were taken to the home of Frank and Pam Rogers.

The Rogers had just previously fostered two other children they were hoping to adopt. But they were devastated when the judge granted custody of the children to their biological grandmother. Frank and Pam decided they just couldn’t go through that kind of heart break again. But Mala Ganapati, Arrow’s regional adoption coordinator, contacted the Rogers, and explained how much these three children needed them.

“My first impression of them was that they were very nice,” said Raven. “It’s funny, but they gave us presents the first night we got there, and of course, as a young kid, you’re automatically going to like those people. They were really good at making us feel welcome and making sure all of our needs were met. They always made sure we were doing something fun.”

As wonderful as the Rogers were to Raven and her brothers, Raven still had a lot to overcome from the years of neglect she suffered.

“I suffer from mild depression,” shares Raven. “I used to have to check all doors and windows to make sure they were locked. I also have a mild eating disorder, and once had to have food close to me constantly. I guess I was afraid I might not get any more.

“It hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies. We definitely have had our problems, but we work it out. I’m very fortunate to have the parents I have now. I think if I were still with my birth mom now, I’d probably be pregnant, or on drugs. I may not even be alive.”

With Frank and Pam’s love and support, Raven is discovering her purpose in life. Which in many ways began when Frank and Pam were blessed to witness Raven’s baptism in 2014. Then this past semester at the University of Dallas, Raven began to get a clearer picture of what she wanted to do with her life. Even though Raven loved playing basketball for the school, which gave her a higher self-esteem, taught her discipline, and challenged her through competition, something in her heart was changing.

“I felt something much stronger pulling at me, kind of calling out to me to do something different,” said Raven. “I felt a much stronger need to start my future with social work and helping others, sooner rather than later. I really want to help other kids who have experienced the same things I did growing up.”

To follow Raven’s “calling,” she is transferring to a community college near her home, and she is switching majors from psychology to social work. She also contacted the local Arrow office to inquire about an internship or volunteering opportunities.

“I feel like I broke the cycle,” said Raven. “I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but I think I’m a pretty good person. I work hard. I am very caring. I’m a strong Christian. I don’t drink or do drugs. I make good grades, and I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college with a degree. I think I turned out well.”

We think so too!

There are many ways to help a child who has suffered abuse or neglect. Of course, by becoming a foster parent, you’ll have the opportunity to make a direct and eternal impact, just like the Rogers had in Raven’s life. Learn more about fostering by attending one of our monthly information meetings. Details are available at www.arrow.org/meeting.

Stephen and Jandy Brentlinger, Arrow foster parents with our Beaumont, Texas office, are very committed to their faith. They are just as committed to the foster children who come into their home. So when Stephen saw our recent Facebook post showing the great need for more foster families, he was compelled to write his own Facebook post to encourage others to consider fostering.
Below is Stephen’s impassioned post…

Fostering can be hard. It can be an emotional roller coaster. It’s a family decision that affects everyone in your household. It can test your patience, love, kindness, faith, and many other things. Sometimes it seems like it might even be too much to handle. People will comment that they don’t know how you could do it, or ask how you could love a child then watch them leave your home. There are days when you might even consider quitting and running away. We have.

But then you realize that everything is totally worth it. You realize that all the risk, all the heartache, all the tears, and all the possible pain are totally worth it. Why? Because it’s never about us in the first place. Our life should be about loving and serving others, and considering everyone else higher than ourselves. Our call to foster is about loving kids that are in desperate situations that they had no control over. It’s about putting the well-being of a child far above yours. It’s about extending love and grace to someone that desperately needs it, but is hopeless to receive it apart from you. Literally, you can affect a child’s life forever. Even if they leave your home, by your plan or the states plan.

You can’t know how it will turn out, and sometimes you won’t be happy with situations. But you CAN be love and grace to a child that so desperately wants to be loved. So desperately wants to be held, fed, and cared for. A child that was not loved enough to know how special and wonderful they are. The fear of the unknown could stop you in your tracks and keep you from fostering. Or maybe, your love for others could compel you to becoming a foster parent. You could realize that literally everyday children need foster homes, and you could stand up for the hopeless and needy, and love them with all your heart! Love them how they deserve to be loved, even if it hurts later. But you know what? They also could end up being your forever child! The only way to find out, is to foster. I beg you, think and pray about fostering.

If you’re still reading this, I’ll share in a couple of sentences how we handle fostering. To sum it up, we don’t handle it. Yep, we are selfish and not capable of handling it personally. We instinctively run from tough situations. But the good news for (my foster child), is that we serve and love a God that provides all we need. We serve a God that is much bigger than anything in the world, and can provide peace, patience, strength, energy, love, and everything else needed to foster. In short for us, God gives us the strength.

I once was lost, hopeless, and in desperate need of help. I was longing to be loved and cared for in ways I didn’t even understand. I had emptiness in my life and needed to be cared for in a way that I didn’t even know how to ask about. Then God ran. He ran to me in that moment and showed me the love, grace, and mercy I so desperately needed! When I was lost, God found me. I was empty, but God filled me. I didn’t even know what I needed, but God did. Fostering/Adoption is a perfect picture of what God has done for us.

Please call/message me if you want to talk about fostering or anything.

Would you consider fostering?

Beautifully said Stephen. Thank you Stephen and Jandy, for your caring hearts and your unselfish service to kids in need!

For information on the next information meeting in your area visit www.arrow.org/meeting

With few homes available for foster children over 12 years old, especially older foster teens, the future holds little promise of the type of future most 18 year-olds look forward to according to the results of the 2011 Midwest Study from Chapin Hall at the University of Chicago.

The seven-year study indicates that when youth at the age of 18 become too old to remain in foster care, and find themselves struggling on their own without the support of a family, the odds of them successfully launching into adulthood are minimal. According to the study, 23% of them do not have a high school diploma or a GED by age 21. Half are unemployed, and those that are employed have a median annual income of $5,450. And nearly 30% are homeless by the age of 24.

Unfortunately, teenagers are typically the hardest foster children to place with a family. The majority of families that seek information on foster care are interested in fostering toward the goal of adoption. And a teenager is not who they’re looking to add to their family.

Carolyn Bishop, Vice President of Texas Programs for Arrow Child & Family Ministries explains the need: “A lot of the openings we have are with families that want to work with babies to toddler age. We have a huge shortage of openings for older foster teens, and so it’s making it hard for us to help CPS find appropriate placements for those kids.”

Granted, raising any teenager has it challenges, but Scott Lundy, CEO of Arrow Child & Family Ministries, who is raising three adopted teens himself, says there are three important components to successfully fostering a teenager.

“First, you’ve got to have a love for, and a proclivity to work with teenagers, because teens are different. Second, you have to be willing to connect with the child, because everything is about relationship. You can’t just let them do their thing in their room, and assume everything must be okay as long as they’re not doing stupid stuff. You have to take the time to check in with them on a regular basis, and not accept “fine” and “good” when you ask them about school and their friends. You’ve got to go deeper than that. And third, you need to be able give the child an appropriate level of autonomy while maintaining boundaries.

“These kids are going to mess up just like we did, and they’re probably going to mess up more than we did, because we had a stable upbringing all the way through our life that got us through adolescence, and they did not. These kids are going to push back more than normal, and part of this is based on the pattern they’ve experienced in being removed from their home, and then being moved from place to place. But what each of these kids desperately need is a family that will commit to helping them work through this tough period in their life so they can prepare for adulthood.”

Angela Humphrey, a foster parent with Arrow Child & Family Ministries, is one of those few foster parents who not only opens her home to foster teens, but specializes in fostering teenage boys. She says the most difficult aspect of fostering a teenager is gaining their trust, because so many people in their lives have let them down.

“Don’t expect a kid to be thankful and loving just because you’ve opened your home,” said Humphrey. “That comes with gaining their trust, and that takes time. Making it work takes love and patience with a lot of understanding and forgiveness.

“We lose so many of our young men to the streets and jail. I like knowing we lose some to education, jobs and becoming great parents. Watching some of my boys graduate from high school, go to college, become productive citizens, and then receiving phone calls from some just to say ‘I didn’t get it then, but I do now,’ that’s the most beautiful thing of all.”

To learn more about the need and how you can help, attend the next information meeting at the Arrow office near you. Details are available at www.arrow.org/meeting.

Our children are our future and a gift from God. In light of National Child Abuse Prevention Month in April, we’ve gathered some information on the signs of child abuse, what to do if a child comes to you, how to report child abuse, and ways to prevent child abuse.

Signs of Child Abuse

Note: This list is not exhaustive. Trust your gut instinct if you suspect abuse and report it.

Unexplained injuries – visible signs of abuse in the form of unexplained bruises or burns, sometimes in the shape of objects; child may have unconvincing explanation of the injury
Changes in behavior – scared, anxious, depressed, withdrawn, aggressive
Returning to earlier childhood behaviors – fear of the dark or strangers, thumb-sucking, bed-wetting
Changes in eating – the stress caused by abuse can lead to weight gain or loss
Fear of going home – kids may express anxiety/apprehension about leaving school or going places with the abuser
Changes in sleeping – frequent nightmares or difficulty falling asleep, thereby seeming tired or fatigued
Changes in school performance/attendance – difficulty concentrating in class, or excessive absences, especially if adults are trying to conceal injuries
Poor personal care/hygiene – appearing uncared for, consistently dirty or have severe body odor, lack proper clothing for the weather
Risky behavior – kids abused may participate in risk-taking behavior such as drug use or carrying a weapon
Inappropriate sexual behaviors – demonstrates unusual sexual knowledge or explicit sexual language

If a Child Comes to You

Should a child come to you and report he or she is being abused, it’s important to remember the following tips.

Keep calm and just listen. Try to remain as neutral as possible as the child speaks to you about the abuse. Do not display disgust or shock, as the child might think it has to do with them and not about what has happened to them.
Don’t promise not to tell. Instead, say you’ll promise only to tell people who need to know and that you’ll let the child know beforehand.
Reassure the child they did the right thing by telling you.
Write down everything while it’s fresh in your mind.
Report the abuse. You have the power to help a child who is hurting and in danger. You can report anonymously should you so choose.

“Don’t let fear of getting involved prevent you from reporting concerns. It’s our responsibility as a community to prevent abuse,” says Andrea Requenes, Regional Director at Arrow Child and Family Ministries.

How to Report Child Abuse

To report cases of child abuse, contact your local Department of Family and Protective Services. In the state of Texas, this number is 1-800-252-5400. Nationally, you may contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).

Ways to Prevent Child Abuse

Scott Lundy, President and CEO of Arrow Child & Family Ministries (Arrow) and President of the Texas Alliance of Child and Family Services, declares, “There needs to be a revolution at the taxpayer level to reach out to our elected officials to demand that more funding be allocated to child abuse prevention services. We have to be able to begin to slow the rate at which children are being abused at home. It takes the right prevention services to make this happen.”

In order to strengthen parents and families and prevent the cycle of child abuse from occurring, it’s important that parents and caregivers feel they have a support system in place and resources readily available to them. Here’s how you can help.

Be willing to be a support system for your neighbors and their kids and grandkids
Volunteer in the community by becoming a mentor to kids, or donating time or resources to community organizations
Help a family under stress. For example: babysitting, running errands, or helping with chores
Get involved in a local school by attending their events (plays, sports games, performances), join the parent-teacher organization, or even start a neighborhood watch

Additionally, make sure to check out the Safe Families for Children program. Safe Families provides breathing room and support for parents in crisis who may need help caring for their children until they can get back on their feet. Volunteers in this program aim to reduce the risk factors for child abuse by coming alongside parents before a situation escalates.

New Program Coming Soon

Arrow Child and Family Ministries in partnership with several area agencies in Houston is excited to announce a new program coming soon called ParentingHelp. Preparing to launch in April, the program will offer resources such as in-home training and support services for families at risk for abuse. For many, these resources couldn’t come at a better time. Those looking to take advantage of the program can expect to receive parenting and discipline techniques as just some of the many benefits through ParentingHelp.

Want to know more? Attend an informational meeting to learn ways you can be involved in a child’s life.

Source: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

Recently Misty and Randy Bailey adopted Hagen after fostering him for nearly three years. During their journey, the Baileys faced every possible emotional and physical challenge any home could possibly take.

Misty and Randy Bailey started fostering with Arrow at the beginning of 2013, and one-year old Hagen was their first placement. At the time, the CPS worker indicated Hagen would most likely be adoptable since there was no family member currently taking any of the necessary steps to get him back.

Nearly a year later, Hagen’s birth mother showed up. Since she was pregnant again, she decided to start complying with CPS to get her life in order, and possibly have Hagen returned to her.

Misty had never asked Hagen to call her mom, but during his time with the Baileys, Hagen naturally began doing just that. But during Hagen’s family visits with his birth mother, she told him that Misty “isn’t your mother…I am!” At just two years old, Hagen was confused and distressed. For Hagen, Misty and Randy Bailey were his mom and dad.

The emotional upheaval took its toll on Hagen. His bathroom training regressed, and he starting hiding soiled clothing around the house just to have some kind of control in his life. Then Hagen was hit with another devastating blow when his birth mother passed away a few weeks after a tragic accident.

Misty and Randy struggled with continuing to foster due to the extreme emotional turmoil Hagen was going through, but they never gave up. They believed this little boy’s life was in God’s hands, and through His providence Hagen would eventually be where God wanted him to be. After nearly three years of struggling, growing and loving together, prayers were answered recently when Hagen’s adoption was consummated. And yes, Hagen Wesley Bailey is exactly where God wants him to be…at home with his real mommy and daddy, Misty and Randy.

Jennie Sulfridge knows how difficult the holiday season can be for foster parents and their children.

Christmas parties, traveling to see relatives, shopping outings to crowded stores and more add up to one long, stressful month. As a veteran foster parent with four adoptive daughters of her own, Jennie wanted to give advice to foster parents struggling through the holidays, and reassure them that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

She recently orchestrated a foster parent lunch at the Arrow Headquarters in Spring. Jennie not only offered her time, but she and her daughters also provided appetizers and desserts, and even made decorations and centerpieces for the occasion. Jennie and her oldest daughter, Hannah, gave advice and answered questions for a room of about 50 foster parents.

One key piece of advice was for parents to make time for their children during the holiday season. Hannah called time the greatest gift a foster parent can give to their child, and Jennie agreed.

“Their lives haven’t ever been put first,” Jennie said. “Your time is your most valuable resource for them, so even when you don’t feel like it, it’s important to invest time in your kids.”

To make sure they made time for each other during the busy holiday season, Jennie made a special Advent calendar for herself and the girls. The calendar specified a new family activity to do together for each day leading up to Christmas, such as going ice skating, or looking at Christmas lights.

Jennie also urged parents to schedule time for peace and quiet during the holidays, and suggested letting foster children know ahead of time about holiday parties and family gatherings so they feel prepared.

But perhaps the most important piece of advice Jennie gave was to be flexible.

She gave the example of one Easter where her girls were having tantrums and breakdowns, so they didn’t end up celebrating the holiday until the Tuesday afterward.

Hannah urged patience for days when foster children continually misbehave. She said she tested Jennie’s boundaries shortly after she was placed in the home, and Jennie’s patience with her eventually lead to a breakthrough.

“I had a lot of doubts about if I’d actually stay,” she said. “But I remember one week, I was bad seven days in a row, and by day eight mom hadn’t given up on me. I was reassured that I wasn’t going anywhere.”

Arrow recently joined forces with Hope For Tomorrow, a fellow Christian foster care agency in Texas, and will operate in four new cities as a result of the acquisition—San Angelo, Brownwood, San Marcos and Harlingen.

Hope For Tomorrow offices in Amarillo, Granbury and Copperas Cove will merge with existing Arrow offices, bringing new resources, staff members and foster kids into the Arrow family in those regions.

Arrow now operates 12 offices across the state, and is providing our exemplary care and services to more than 200 additional foster children, for a total of 1,200 children across the nation.

“This joining of forces makes Arrow the largest foster care agency in the State of Texas,” said Arrow CEO Scott Lundy. “This only serves to position Arrow as a leader in the National Child Welfare arena.”

To find out more about becoming a foster parent, visit www.arrow.org/foster.

An Arrow family who adopted three children from foster care, two of whom have special needs, has been named Adoptive Family of the Year by the Texas Alliance of Child and Family Services!

Kendrick and Rosalyn Poole had been involved in the deaf ministry at their church when they felt called to adopt a child with a hearing impairment. The couple felt especially equipped to parent a deaf child because Kendrick himself is deaf, and Rosalyn is an American Sign Language interpreter.

A search on an adoption website led them to seek out more information about a 14-year-old girl named Dynasty. Dynasty was born deaf, and had been in foster care since she was 8 years old. During her 6 years in foster care, Dynasty had struggled through 14 foster care placements and was living in a group home. Being bounced from home to home, and not having the proper support and guidance she needed to cope with her disability, caused severe trauma in Dynasty’s life. Never had she been in a foster home that was able to communicate effectively with her in sign language.

That is, until Kendrick and Rosalyn came into the picture.

The Pooles became licensed foster parents, and finally welcomed Dynasty into their home. Dynasty felt immediately accepted. Kendrick and Rosalyn not only loved and cared for her, but could communicate with her in sign language. Six months later, she became Dynasty Poole when she was officially adopted by the Pooles.

But Rosalyn and Kendrick weren’t done. A search on the Texas Adoption Resource Exchange website lead them to two brothers who had been featured on the website for more than two years. One of the brothers, Wesley, had developmental and communication challenges that required the use of sign language. Wesley and his brother William were placed with the Pooles in October of last year, and their adoption into the growing Poole family was finalized last month. Since being placed with the Pooles, William has learned sign language and can now perfectly communicate with his brother, sister, father and mother.

“The Pooles are a wonderful family worthy of this award for what they have done for these three children,” said Mala Ganapati, Arrow’s Regional Adoption Coordinator who nominated them for the award. “They are strong advocates for their children, and give them unconditional love and acceptance. The Pooles are a testament to the fact that there are no barriers when it comes to adoption.”

When Brenda and Francisco Hernandez decided to foster, they planned on taking in two children at the most.

But when they were asked if they would take in four brothers who had been separated most of their lives, they opened their hearts and their home to all four boys in order to keep them together. The boys’ youngest brother had already been adopted out to another family, and Brenda and Francisco wanted to ensure that the remaining four would grow up in each other’s lives.

Eli, Adam, Hugo and Brendan arrived at the Hernandez home about two years ago, and overnight Brenda and Francisco went from having no children to parenting four boys, ages 8, 6, 5 and 2.

It wasn’t easy. The boys had hardly any clothes or belongings, and they often fought. At times Brenda had doubts about continuing to foster them.

“There were days when I didn’t think I could do this anymore,” she said. “But we just prayed and prayed about it, and we prayed with the boys as well.”

Eli, the oldest, wrote Brenda a note the very first week he was placed with her, and his words really touched her heart, and gave her the motivation to persevere.

It read “You’re the best mom. Thank you for taking care of me, and feeding me, and thank you for cleaning my teeth.” (Brenda is a dental hygienist.)

“Knowing the abuse and neglect they came from, I just couldn’t let them go back.” Brenda said. “I love them like my own.”

Slowly but surely, the boys learned to share, and fought less. They also learned to trust Brenda and Francisco. At first, when the family would go to the mall or to church, the older two boys would ask “You’re not going to leave us here, are you?” But over the past two years, they have learned that Brenda and Francisco would never abandon them.

They’ve also begun to do better in school, and have started to explore their interest in sports. Brenda and Francisco helped the oldest three each find a sport to participate in at the local Boys & Girls Club. Eli has turned out to be an excellent swimmer, Adam is very good at golf, and Hugo is now the quarterback of his flag football team.

But the best change in the boys’ lives came last month when Brenda and Francisco were able to adopt them, all four of them, dispelling any uncertainty and anxiety about their future. The boys officially became Eli, Adam, Hugo and Brendan Hernandez on August 7^th.

“The boys kept asking, ‘Am I really going to be a Hernandez?’” Brenda said. “It was almost too good to be true. We were all excited.”

Below is an excerpt from a recent update one of our team members received from a 17-year-old foster child, who recently was reunited with her mother. In the letter, the teen talks about how her foster family and Arrow staff inspired her to get a job and look into college. We are so proud of her!

I miss all the staff from Arrow. Y’all were amazing, and I hope I can help kids like me one day just like y’all helped me and so many others. I still keep in contact or try to keep in contact with my friends up there, but I’m trying to focus on work and school over everything.

The resume that Ms. Heather (Johnson, family intervention specialist,) helped me revise and the interview pointers really helped with getting the job (at Texas Roadhouse). Also, I have been looking into college. I still don’t know if I am going to go, but it doesn’t hurt to look.

One of the major things I miss though is having an older sister. Down here (with my mom) I’m back to being the oldest, so I don’t really have anyone to run to that is there in person to talk about stuff when I don’t want to talk to my mom. When I lived with (my foster mom, my foster sister) was right downstairs. I know I probably annoyed her sometimes, but seeing her and her push for success is what has made me rethink college. She is honestly a huge role model. I learned what the word RESPECT meant when I moved in there and I thank them for that. Also, I found out that not everyone is going to leave me stranded. I am happy at home and thank y’all for helping me grow as a young woman because without that help this visit would been just that—a visit. It would not have been successful (in reuniting my mom and I). I miss all of y’all and I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope to be up visiting the Baltimore area during one of my breaks from school, and days off of work.