Foster Stories Archives - Page 4 of 6 - Arrow Child & Family Ministries

When Angela Humphrey became a foster parent, she decided she would open her doors to the kids many thought would be too rowdy or rebellious to take in – teenage boys

She knew teens would be a good fit for her home. The daughter of a coach, Angela’s childhood home was a neighborhood hub for the kids her father coached. She wanted to follow in her father’s footsteps to be a positive force in the lives of teens.

Angela Humphrey with one of her former foster kids on graduation day — Angela Humphrey with one of her
former foster kids on graduation day

Angela decided to dive into foster care when she learned how many foster teens were at risk for dropping out of school, and how few went on to achieve higher education.

“I felt like this was the group that most people walked away from, and didn’t want to take a chance with,” Angela said. “But I was always the type of person who was up for the challenge. I thought that would be the best avenue for me.”

Angela was determined not to walk away from any child. For example, one of her foster boys, Christian, was in danger of failing 8^th grade and wanted to drop out of school. However, she knew he was capable of doing the work. She asked the principal if he could still advance to the high school, and make up the work he’d failed in junior high without being retained.

“At first she said no, and I cried and cried and cried,” Angela said. “But eventually, she told me she saw how diligent and dedicated I was to this boy, and she had a change of heart and was going to pass him. So he went to high school, and all four years there, he never had any issues.”

On his last day of high school, Angela went with him to meet with his Arrow caseworker. The board in the conference room had dropout rates written on it, and unprompted, he remarked on how high they were, and how easily he could have become one of those statistics on the board.

“It all came full circle,” Angela said.

Another foster child who Angela is extremely proud of is D. D is a very hard worker who not only completed high school, but is now taking a full course load in college and is an assistant manager at Domino’s Pizza. Even though he is old enough to have “aged out” of the system, the love and support Angela showed him lead him to choose to stay in her home in extended care. Now, he is a role model for his foster brothers and sisters.

“He lets them know, ‘I was once where you are,'” she said. “He lets them know that when I’m tough on them, it’s because I love them.”

Besides Christian and D, Angela has fostered dozens of other children. She said people hesitate to bring teens into their homes because they think they are set in their ways and will be rebellious, but she said anyone can change for the better, no matter their age.

“Not every teenager wants your love, at first,” she said. “What they want most is your understanding, and with understanding comes respect, and with respect come trust, and with trust comes love.”

But Angela was not alone fostering these kids. Her grown son and daughter, Darryl and Deonna, both became foster parents too, and have been a significant help. Angela said seeing her children become foster parents was among the proudest moments of her life.

She’s particularly enjoyed being a “foster grandmother” to even more kids in need, and they in turn have inspired her, especially a boy named Ben, who her son fostered. Angela and her son were incredibly close to Ben, but he passed away from cancer in 2013.

“Ben gave us courage,” Angela said. “Whenever you think you have it bad, try being the kid in foster care who has cancer. He gave us the courage to keep going on.”

Angela continues to foster in honor of Ben. She’s fostered more than 70 children, and is currently fostering 6 children with a 7th on the way.

If you, like Angela, have a heart for foster teens, we would love to give you more information on how to become a foster parent. Go to www.arrow.org/foster to learn more.

When Ken Keung was removed from abuse and neglect and placed in foster care, the love and commitment he received from his Arrow foster family changed his life forever.

His family recognized Ken needed a way to express himself, and had a gift for art, so they gave him a set of oil paints. That gift set Ken on a path of honing his skill, and eventually to studying art in college.

Ken Keung presents his Arrow caseworker with a special gift (inset: one of Ken's paintings) — Ken Keung presents his Arrow caseworker with a special gift (inset: one of Ken’s paintings)

“My foster family loves my paintings, and they encourage me so much,” Ken said. “Right now they own four of my paintings in their house, and I will paint more because I feel like this is my home, and they treat me like a family member.”

The influence Ken’s foster family had on his life was pivotal in his success as an adult. The love and encouragement they showed him helped him find purpose in his life.

Unfortunately, many foster children will not get the same opportunities as Ken. There are 400,000 children in care across the nation, but not enough foster families to take them in. Some may never receive the love and guidance they need and deserve. These children are placed in group homes, or sometimes even end up living in psychiatric hospitals for an extended period of time.

The best environment for foster children is a home with a family, but the reality is some foster children are much less likely to be placed in a home than others due to their race or age. Foster parents who open their homes to children have the option of choosing who they will take into their home. Children under 2 years old who are white are the easiest to place. Unfortunately, African American children and those who are older than 8 years old are the least likely to be matched with a family of their own.

Additionally, many parents want to add to their family through foster-to-adopt, and while this is a wonderful goal, there is a need for foster parents who are willing to take in children who may never become available for adoption. About a third of children in state care have a permanency goal of reunification with their biological parents, and these children need a foster home just as much as those whose permanency goal is adoption. The average length of stay in foster care for these children is just over a year.

There are children entering foster care today that need your spare room for a while. Those children may be a racial minority, or a teenager. They may need to stay for a few months, or a few years. Regardless of race, age or length of stay, they all desperately need a stable home environment where they can feel safe and heal from the trauma that brought them into state care.

Learn what it takes to be a committed foster family by attending and information meeting. Visit www.arrow.org/meeting for the date, time and location of the next info meeting in your area.

Deborah Cuevas speaks with Arrow Founder Mark Tennant at a recent luncheon.

After losing her caregiving grandmother at a young age, 10 years of being forced to move from home to home in the foster care system, and struggling with an eating disorder, 17-year-old Deborah Cuevas was at the lowest point in her life.

Finally a family wanted to adopt her and she was exciting about the future. But at the last moment the family changed their mind, and Deborah’s hope of ever having a family was snuffed out.

That’s when she reluctantly came to Crossroads Community, an Arrow transitional living program for young women who will soon age out of foster care. This is where her hope for a better future was rekindled.

At first, the strict rules and supervision only frustrated her, but that attitude soon changed.

“What I didn’t understand was that this place that I thought was taking life from me, was the place God would use to give me life,” Deborah said.

While at Crossroads, Deborah learned basic life skills, like how to cook for herself, and clean. She learned job skills and was encouraged to go to college. Most importantly, she developed a relationship with Christ that gave her hope for her life.

Deborah often quotes Joel 2:25, when God says “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten.” She’s taken that verse to heart, and says she constantly sees God’s hand in her success after enduring years of hardship.

After Crossroads, Deborah was accepted to Central Baptist College and graduated with a degree in social services, with the dream to help other foster care youth. While in college, she met her husband, Marvin, who was adopted at 13. Their common background gave them a unique insight into each other and a stronger relationship.

Because both Deborah and Marvin know what it feels like to be orphaned, they both felt the tugging of God on their hearts to advocate for children of similar backgrounds.

“My husband and I decided to foster, and in the last two years, we have been blessed to foster 17 children ranging from 4 months to 15 years old,” she said. “Looking back, foster care saved my life …. I realized I wanted more for my life than what my past told me.… I wanted to be the chain-breaker for my family.”

Almost a year ago, a teenage foster girl entered the Cuevas home, and everything changed. She was broken, but not defeated, and Deborah knew that look all too well. The couple decided they wanted to adopt her, but were immediately turned down because of their young age. However, they didn’t lose faith.

On December 23rd, she became Faith Destiny Cuevas, and forever Deborah’s daughter.

“Love heals … and every child deserves a family,” Deborah said. “No child should ever have to grow up in a group home or age out of foster care…. Arrow is the key element to making this happen.”

To learn more about Arrow Crossroads Community, go to https://www.arrow.org/services-programs/residential-services/transitional-living/

When a child is taken from an abusive situation, many times the best option is to put them under the care of an adult they already know and trust, like an aunt, a grandparent or even a teacher.

Being placed with a familiar person can lessen the fear and anxiety children may have about being in foster care. But these placements have their own unique needs and challenges, which is why Arrow recently launched a pilot program focused on kinship care.

“Our kinship families need someone to help walk them through the process—someone who is 100% focused on them when they need help becoming licensed,” said Kari Dodson, Arrow’s new Kinship Coordinator.

About a third of all foster children are in kinship placements. When a child is removed from a home, CPS first looks to see if a family member, or even a close friend, is available to give the child the love and care they deserve.

“It’s always traumatic when a child is removed, but kinship care certainly makes it easier because they’re not going with strangers,” Kari said. “They know the home and they know the family.”

But that means families who had not thought about fostering a child before may suddenly find themselves in need of a license, and quickly. If a kinship family can’t make the regular Arrow trainings, Kari plans to have additional flexible trainings for them.

Additionally, Kari will visit kinship homes early in the certification process to make sure everything is compliance. For instance, state rules mandate that homes can’t have burglar bars, and medicine must be locked away. With Kari’s help, kinship families won’t have to delay their license due to an oversight of a safety regulation.

Kari said she loves working with kinship families because of their dedication to their foster kids.

“They come in with a commitment to the kids, they just flat out need help with the license, and a lot of times they end up adopting if the parents’ rights are terminated,” Kari said. “It’s much more rare for them to give up saying ‘It’s too hard’ or ‘It’s not what I thought.’”

If you or someone you know needs help becoming a foster home for a kinship placement, you can email Kari at [email protected].

One of our Amarillo foster families helped reunite a family of eight when they gave an incredible gift to the birth mother of their foster children!

The Neal family has been fostering three children who are part of a sibling group of seven for the past year, and have been supportive and encouraging toward the children’s birth mother. At a recent permanency conference, a CPS caseworker expressed concern about the mother being unable to afford a vehicle that could transport the children safely, which would postpone their reunification dates.

“The conference ended without a conclusion,” said Kelsi Vines, the Neal’s AFS. “Everyone wondered how a single mother could find a suitable vehicle in such a short amount of time with no support.”

When the Neals heard about the possibility of the reunification dates being further delayed, they decided to gift the children’s birth mother with their newest minivan! Now, reunification is moving forward as planned.

“Foster families who choose to walk alongside biological parents, when possible, play a huge role in encouraging and providing support during undoubtedly the lowest point in that parent’s life,” Kelsi said. “The Neals have been a great example of the love of Christ during this foster journey– they give and give and give, even without any security of seeing their little ones again once reunified. Surely, this is the unconditional love Christ so often spoke of– no strings attached, no debt incurred, freely given to those in need.”

The holidays are a joyous time for most of us, but can also be a time of great stress and anxiety, especially for foster children. They may be missing their biological families, and the time off from school can throw off their routine. That’s why it’s so important to be sensitive to their feelings during Christmas time.

Andrea Requenes, Spring Program Director, gave us some tips for making the Christmas season go as smoothly as possible for foster kids.

For kids who are missing their biological families during Christmas, Andrea says one way to give them a sense of home is to incorporate one of their family traditions into the celebration. One of our families has successfully done this in their foster home for years.

“One kid might say, ‘Well it’s my family’s tradition to drink hot chocolate on Christmas Eve, and another might say ‘I really liked when we would all get to pick an ornament for the tree.’” Andrea said. Then the foster family has this big holiday party with all the different traditions. I always thought that was a good way to handle that.”

When it comes time to open presents, or have a big Christmas meal, foster kids may worry their bio parents are not faring as well. They may wonder if their bio parents are safe, or have enough to eat. They may become moody or sad, so be sensitive to their situation.

Meeting extended family can also create anxiety among foster kids during the holidays. Andrea suggests including foster children in family events, but not pushing them to share their story if they don’t want to.

“We don’t want the child to feel left out, but we certainly don’t want to put the child on display, or make them feel they have to explain their story to all these strangers,” Andrea said. “It’s great to include them, but be sensitive to how you introduce the children.”

Finally, Andrea says to manage expectations during the holidays. Temper tantrums may be more frequent with all the excitement and stimuli.

“I’m a grown woman, and even I sometimes want to throw a temper tantrum when I go Christmas shopping,” she said. “Be mindful of the fact that they’re off schedule, they’re off from school and they’re probably eating more sugar with all the Christmas sweets around. It’s just like with your bio kids, except these kids have traumatic backgrounds to deal with on top of all of that, so if you’re taking them to a lot of events and parties, have patience.”

When Jason and Mistie Stephens met 3-year-old Emma while volunteering in a special needs classroom at their church, they knew God was calling them to adopt her.

Emma was removed from her biological family with non-accidental trauma and malnutrition, which also left her blind. When the Stephens met her, she was being cared for by another Arrow foster family, but the Stephens instantly connected with her.

“She’s just amazing,” said Mistie Stephens. “We fell in love with her the first day we met her. We thought God had sent her, and we were supposed to adopt her. We didn’t know if she was even available for adoption, and we didn’t know anything about adoption agencies, but that was what God was calling us to do.”

The Stephens trained through Arrow in the hopes that they may one day be able to adopt Emma, and became a respite care provider for her foster family. Even though she was unavailable for adoption at the time, the Stephens were sure Emma was meant to be part of their family.

Over the next two and half years, the Stephens grew closer to Emma. Eventually they became her foster parents, and in time Emma’s birth parents parental rights were terminated. Emma officially became a Stephens on August 7, 2013.

“We just had faith in God that this was God’s will for our life, and we were dependent on him every step of the way,” Mistie said.

Mistie says Emma’s blindness is hardly an issue. She’s always quick to adapt and excels in school. She’s reading braille two grade levels above where she should be, and was added to the school’s Gifted and Talented program this year.

But most of all, she’s just a normal 6-year-old girl.

“She’s so friendly and so happy and bubbly and jumpy,” Mistie said. “She loves princesses and girly things, and bows in her hair, and having her nails painted, and she’s just got a big personality and a love for the Lord,” Mistie said. “She talks about the Lord and about Jesus all the time. She’s just wonderful.”

Emma even inspired the Stephens to become champions for adoption. Before she was even placed with them, they started a foster/adoption ministry at their church, and held a mini-conference where Christian agencies, including Arrow, could give out information on orphan care.

Additionally, they’ll soon begin working with a local children’s home that has 18 foster children placed in its care.

“We’re just doing what God was calling us to do,” Mistie said. “We’re blessed he put this desire in our hearts.”

On November 21, Gabby Gullett became the first child to be adopted into a permanent, loving family through Arrow’s partnership with the Assemblies of God North TX District and their orphan care initiative “The Keep.” The Keep is focused on developing church-based solutions to local orphan care needs in Texas and other partner Assembly of God conferences, as well as other faith-based groups.

Before the adoption, Katie Gullett, Gabby’s adoptive mother, wrote about her family’s adoption journey. You can read her story below about how God brought Gabby into their lives, as well as watch a video of the special day when the adoption was finalized!

In October 2012, we felt God’s call for us to expand our family through adoption. We had no idea where or how to begin, but knew if God had called us…He would show us the way. In October 2013, The Keep visited our church and shared their ministry and mission. God was showing us the way! After service we attended an informational lunch/meeting. We left the meeting with peace, joy, hope, and confirmation of God’s call for us to adopt. Our journey had begun! Paperwork and meetings were in store, but we were ready! Our next meeting came on December 19, 2013 just before Christmas. We learned more about the process and what to expect. We also received “the paperwork”. The holidays came and our home was filled with great happiness. In the midst of such a wonderful season, we found ourselves missing our child/children. God was preparing our entire family and had already birthed our child/children in our hearts. Although we had yet to meet them or see them or anything…we loved them and missed them! We know that God’s timing is perfect, so we waited and prayed….

Our Precious Child,
Your life is not a mistake. God made you out of the love that He is. He called you into being at the right time and the right place. You are a privilege, not a burden. You are a joy and a delight. You are God’s masterpiece! We pray for you. We ask God to protect and strengthen you. We ask God to heal you and give you peace. We ask God to carry you and wrap His arms around you until we are able to. You are cherished! You are loved! You are chosen!
Love, Your Forever Family

Our home study was completed in February 2014 and we were officially licensed on April 4, 2014. We submitted several home studies and patiently waited to welcome home the child/children that God had chosen to join our family. God had a different plan, and on June 10, 2014 we received a phone call from our adoption coordinator explaining to us that there was a unique situation and they were needing to place a child quickly with an adoptive home. Unbeknownst to us, the day before our adoption coordinator had presented our family and our home had been approved for this child. All we needed to do was say, “yes”. We knew that this was the child that God had chosen. So with little information and sight unseen, we said “yes”. We met our precious daughter on Wednesday, June 11^th and welcomed her home on Friday, June 13^th. As we began receiving information about our sweet girl, we discovered that she was born in October of 2012. The very month that God had began calling us to adopt! God was preparing us from the moment she entered the world! We are so excited, blessed, humbled, and overwhelmed by all God has done and will continue to do!

– Katie Gullett

Our regional adoption coordinator in the DFW Metroplex, Mala Ganapati, answered some questions about adoption, and told us about the most exciting part of her job– seeing children find permanent, loving homes! Her wonderful, insightful responses are below.

Arrow: What would you say to adoptive parents who are scared they won’t feel that paternal bond with their adoptive child in the same way they would a bio child?

Mala: You have to go into foster care/adoption knowing that you have to be unconditional in your affection for the child or children you are fostering or adopting. It is not easy and you have to work at it. Knowing that it is something you have to work on, knowing that it is something that does not come automatically (sometimes) are all good reasons to develop a good support group who understands exactly what you are going through and can help you through the hard times.

Arrow: Can you tell us about one adoption you can’t wait to see finalized on National Adoption Day later this month?

Mala: Wow! Hard to pick…. all adoptions are special, and I cannot wait for so many of them to finalize. I do have a very special one– The Hurds are one of our foster parents who have been with us for almost 12 years! They have adopted a child who is now a young adult and is in college. They have been fostering these two young girls for almost 4 years. The girls have an older sister who they were waiting for to join them in adoption. However, that child had several challenges that did not allow this to happen. The Hurds are a sweet older couple who are more like grandparents to these girls. They had always told us that they would let the girls find a home better suited to their age. When it came to decision time, the Hurds were not able to see their home without the girls! We all have these pre-conceived notions that adoptive families have to look a certain way…I sure did! I knew the Hurds from being their AFS (case worker) and helping then through their first adoption. I was worried. Worried for the girls and the family…..for no good reason. They love the girls, are not worried about their age one bit and are ready to keep the girls in their family forever. We tend to forget that adoption is not just by a person or a couple. Adoption is something that the whole family participates in when it happens. So, I could go on and on…but the girls are getting adopted on National Adoption Day.

Arrow: What’s a common misconception about adoption you want to dispel?

Mala: The families who come claiming that they have to adopt a child younger than their child in order to maintain birth order drives me a little insane! We have done adoptions for years and have seen it done any which way, and I think it has been conclusively proven that it doesn’t matter. What matters is a family that is committed to a child and can see them through the challenges that comes from their position in the family being disrupted. This includes a child struggling to be a big brother or sister when a family has a baby, a child comes into foster care from losing a bio family, or a child being placed for adoption who is coming from a loving foster home.

Arrow: Can you tell us about a common obstacle adoptive families face?

Mala: Families typically are very confident in their desire and ability to care for children or adopt them. They however have to overcome the fact that reality is sometimes more challenging and not give up!

Arrow: If a family is thinking about taking Arrow training classes with the goal of adopting, what advice would you give them as they try to make that decision?

Mala: Take that first step! Come with the intention of learning more and understanding the children and the process. We will hold your hands and help you figure what is right for your family.

If you’d like to learn more about adopting, please come to one of our orientations! To find out when the next orientation is in your area, go to www.arrow.org/meeting.

Arrow foster parents Danny and Brenda Nail were recently recognized for going the extra mile for their foster child—or more accurately, the extra 600 miles.

The Nails were named Foster Parents of the Year by the Texas Alliance of Child and Family Services. They have fostered a 9-year-old boy with special needs since he was a baby.

Last year, the boy needed multiple organ transplants, but there wasn’t a doctor in Texas who could perform the surgery. The nearest doctor who could treat him was more than 600 miles away in Omaha, Nebraska.

The Nails didn’t hesitate. When donor organs became available, they immediately packed their bags and moved to Nebraska. They lived there for about nine months while their foster child recovered before moving back to their home near Dallas.

Since then, they’ve been back to Nebraska for weeks at a time for follow-up appointments.

But Brenda said she doesn’t mind. Yes, she’s missed family holidays and time with her grandchildren, but seeing her foster child regain his health has been worth it.

“It’s been hard, but we’ve seen him blossom,” Brenda said. “I don’t know what we’d do if we didn’t have him. He keeps us going. He’s such a blessing to watch him. He amazes us.”

The boy currently in their care isn’t the first child Brenda and Danny have helped. They have been foster parents for 32 years, and have fostered 88 children.

Brenda described being a foster parent as a rewarding experience.

“The children didn’t ask for all of this to happen to them,” Brenda said. “Some have come into our house so sad, but it’s amazing to see their personality change when you love and protect them.”

Brenda and Danny will be honored at the upcoming Texas Child Care Administrators Conference Oct. 23. They won’t be able to make the conference because they are back in Nebraska for their foster sons’ doctor’s appointment, but Carolyn Bishop, vice president of Texas programs, will accept the award on their behalf.

“To say they are deserving really doesn’t even do it justice,” Carolyn said.

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