For some, the concept of a safe home is a given. For others, it is a hard-won reality. Kinley Gotcher is a Family Home Developer at Arrow. Gotcher brings a perspective that most do not: she lived the story she now helps others write. From the uncertainty of multiple placements to the life-changing moment of being adopted at 15, her journey serves as a bridge between the families she licenses and the children waiting for a place to belong.
In this Q&A, she reflects on the definition of a “safe home,” the long road to building trust and what it truly means to stay.
Q: What did “a safe and loving home” look like for you personally, and how do you now help families create that same feeling for children?
A safe and loving home, to me, was never about everything being perfect. It was about feeling seen, valued and wanted. My time in foster care is honestly a blur because I moved around so much.
However, there was one family that really stuck with me. They made me feel like more than just a placement. I wasn’t just another kid coming through their home; I felt like I mattered. Even now, I am still close with them. I have gone to their grandchildren’s birthdays, and they showed up for my college graduation.
That kind of love, the kind that doesn’t just come and go, is what showed me what a safe home is supposed to feel like.
Q: What were some of the biggest challenges you faced during the transitions in foster care, and how do those experiences shape the way you support families now?
One of the hardest parts of foster care for me was all the moving. When I would start to get comfortable, it was time to go somewhere new again. After a while, it’s hard to trust people or feel settled anywhere. That is something I think about a lot in my work. Even when children are placed with people they know, it doesn’t automatically mean they feel safe yet. I try to help families understand that love might already be there, but trust takes time. Kids are still trying to figure out if this is something that is going to last, and that is where patience and consistency really matter.
Q: What was it like being adopted at 15, and how did that moment impact you? As a Family Home Developer, what do you look for in families to ensure they are prepared to foster or adopt?
Being adopted at 15 changed my life, but it wasn’t some perfect, easy moment. I wasn’t used to stability, so I tested it. I pushed boundaries and gave my mom a hard time, and I struggled in school for a while. Looking back, I can see that I didn’t know how to handle having something real and consistent. I was still learning how to accept love that wasn’t going anywhere. That is something I am honest about with families. This isn’t easy and it is not always going to feel good, but it is worth it in a way that is hard to explain.
Q: Can you share a meaningful moment in your current role where you saw a family or child experience the kind of stability you know a child needed?
One moment in my job that really stuck with me was working with a parent who had been in the licensure process for more than 400 days. When I finally called to tell her she was approved, she was almost in tears. She had already been caring for children she loved and now she could finally adopt them and give them her last name. That moment was more than just an approval; it was stability, permanency and love all coming together.
Q: If you could speak directly to a child currently in foster care or someone considering becoming a foster parent, what would you want them to know?
If I could say anything to a child in foster care, I would say this: I know you have had to get used to things changing, to people coming and going and to not always feeling like you have control. None of that is your fault. The way you react, the walls you put up and the way you protect yourself all make sense. You are not too much and you are not the problem. There are people out there who are going to stay, even if it takes time to find them.
To anyone stepping in for a child, especially kinship families, just know this is not easy. You may already love that child, but they still need time, patience and consistency to feel safe. They need someone who is not going to give up on them. If you can be that for them, you can truly change their life.
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Whether she is making a phone call to a tearful mother or sharing the hard truths of her own teenage years, her mission remains the same: ensuring that every child finds the stability she once craved.
Gotcher’s story is a testament to the fact that while the foster care journey is rarely a straight line, the destination of a permanent, loving home is always worth the wait.
Click here to learn more about other Social Workers at Arrow Child and Family Ministries and why this line of work is a calling for them!